To See or Not To See?

One of the most controversial debates I deal with at every wedding is whether or not the bride and groom will see each other before the wedding ceremony. I have met very few brides who are not passionate about either side of the debate. I may, rather - I will take some heat on this, but I am going to come out and say that I highly recommend seeing each other before the wedding. Now, hear me out, and I'll explain why - there are 2 main reasons in my opinion.

The first, of course, is the pictures. I am an advocate for getting to your reception on time, and it is simply an oxymoron to believe that you can get all the pictures you want of the two of you together, and still make it to your reception at a decent time. Yes, you can take all the pictures you want ahead of time - bride with her family, bride with bridesmaids, groom with his family, groom with groomsmen, etc. But think about it. Are you really going to want those pictures? Probably not. Everyone is going to want pictures with both of you in them.

If you ask any bride about her favorite wedding pictures, chances are she will tell you they are the romantic ones of just her and her groom, like these taken by Josh Merideth at Bella Grace Studios, of Katie and Craig who took my advice and saw each other before their summer wedding in downtown Lexington. Katie and Craig chose to meet each other on the front steps of the church instead of in the sanctuary.

The second reason is the encounter. Just imagine walking down the aisle for the first time, your hair and makeup all done perfectly, your dress bouncing, and tears in your groom's eyes. It's just the two of you in the entire sanctuary. To me, this is more romantic than the same encounter in front of hundreds of people. You and your groom have your own special moment before the festivities of the day begin, alone and heart-felt. Take time to pray with each other, tell each other how happy you are, how in love you are, how beautiful you look, and just have a private moment together before the chaos begins.

So, yes, you may completely disagree with me because of "tradition" and what you have been taught or dreaming of your whole life, but please, consider what you will get out of seeing each other before the ceremony. And, if you have an awesome wedding coordinator such as moi, we will ensure that your meeting is not a chance happening in the hallway, but a peaceful and romantic first embrace on your special day. If I still haven't convinced you, I wish you luck and my only advice is not just to make a timeline, but to have someone in charge of managing the photo session after the ceremony to ensure its timeliness.

My Kind of Favors...

Yes, they are so cute on a table top or stacked on a display table...

Gone are the days of giving away golf balls or candles with your names and your wedding date printed on them. Hello to consumable or practical favors!

My favorite favor is the charitable donation. Most of us have at least one organization we work with or admire. Let your guests know that in lieu of traditional favors, you and your fiancee are donating to your favorite charity. Consider it tithing from your wedding budget. The charity will be so grateful and your guests will be impressed.

My second favorite favor is edible goodies. Some examples I love are monogrammed cookies like we did for Jennifer & Trey's summer wedding last year (she also had those monogrammed napkins made):

Custom M&M's like we did for Amanda & Justin's spring wedding adding horse shoes the couple had collected with a little "Lucky in Love" poem attached to it:

In Kentucky, Bourbon Balls are a popular candy as we did for Annie & Greg's Kentucky-themed October wedding:

And I love letting guests choose their own in candy stations like this one we did for Angela & Ryan's wedding last May:

We Need Your Help!

Engaged volunteers needed!
My friend Cristina Reitz-Krueger, a Doctoral Student at the University of Virginia, is looking for volunteers for a study of attitudes towards marriage and parenthood among engaged couples. The study consists of a 25-30 minute online survey. To qualify for the study, you must be 20-35 years old, live in the U.S., and plan to marry within the next 365 days. You and your fiancee must not have children, and this must be the first marriage for both of you.
You can:
-Help a doctoral candidate;
-Increase the pool of scientific knowledge;
-Support research on marriage and families; and
-Spend some time thinking about your relationship!
She is working with Dr. Charlotte J. Patterson, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia. This study has been approved by the University of Virginia Institutional Review Board #2009025800.
If you and/or your fiancee are interested in participating or want further information, please email Cristina at survey.couples@gmail.com. She will send you a link that you can use to access the study.

Wedding Budget: Where to Save and Where Not to Skimp PART 3 of 3

- DO NOT skimp on linens and reception decor. There's nothing that makes my skin crawl like looking at a rental order a bride has brought me and seeing the word "white" all over the place. Don't let anyone tell you that white is all they have, or that white is the standard color. Linen color is the biggest change you can make to create a fabulous reception, and the cost is little or nothing depending on your choice of venue. Tell me you don't notice the difference:
















- DO Skimp on Favors. Favors are always the first thing to go when I'm working with a tight budget. They are a nice gesture, but your guests are already getting dinner, drinks, and a fabulous time at your reception, so a favor is not necessary.

- DO Skimp on Catering. This doesn't mean you can only have finger food and no bar at your reception. If you're on a tight budget, I suggest providing host beer and wine only. Your guests will drink whatever is available. It has been my experience that people aren't picky when it comes to free alcohol. As for food, I recommend 2 or 3 appetizers while your guests await your arrival. These don't have to be caviar or jumbo shrimp cocktail, my favorites have been the simple things such as a mini BLT or a fruit and veggie tray. For dinner, sometimes it can be cheaper to do a plated meal as opposed to a buffet, so really look at your caterer's pricing on both options. And obviously, I recommend to skip the desert because you have your wedding cake.

Food is an important part of your recepion, so when I say skimp, I don't mean it literally. I have taken catering contracts and shaved hundreds or thousands of dollars off of them for minor changes such as these. Caterers have the tendency to go overboard if you let them, so just remember - you are in control.

Any budget stories, suggestions, or questions? Comment on these posts or send me a quick email to leann@kyweddingbliss.com and I will share your story or answer your question!

Wedding Budget: Where to Save and Where Not to Skimp PART 2 of 3

- DO skimp on invitations and programs. This DOES NOT mean print them yourself - this can often be more expensive after the cost of the paper, ink, and your time. See this blog post from a past client of mine who detailed all the costs she encountered making her own invitations. I recommend going to a local printer who can create simple, inexpensive, custom invitations for you in-house. Every experience I have had ordering invitations online has turned out to be a....I'll just say, a mistake, to be nice. You never know exactly what you're getting when you order online. You can't see the paper color, feel the weight and texture of it, and if there is a problem, it takes weeks to get it fixed. Having everything printed locally cuts your costs as well as your hassle. If there is sort of problem with the printing, it can be fixed within a day or two. In case you're wandering, I use Emily Mistretta at Minuteman Press in Lexington. Also, keep in mind that wedding programs are not necessary. If you're really tight on the budget, feel free to just eliminate them all together.

- DO skimp on transportation. Most of your guest will never see you arrive or leave (unless you do a tossing exit) so it's not smart to spend hundreds of dollars out of your budget on something your guests won't get to see. I also think it's cute when you use your own car and it can be decorated. Just be sure your groom doesn't drink or have a friend drive.

- DO NOT skimp on a videographer. I frequently hear brides say that they don't need a videographer or they are just going to have a friend film the ceremony. Mistake. No matter how awesome your photographer is, he or she can't photograph the sound, movement, and general feel of the day like a video can. And if you it right, you will end up with a movie-quality film you and your family can enjoy watching for the rest of time. My husband and I watch our wedding video every year on our anniversary, and when ever we get in nasty fights :). My favorite local wedding videographer is John Anders at Wolves Video.

Wedding Budget: Where to Save and Where Not to Skimp PART 1 OF 3

I've had so many brides, especially lately, ask about cutting wedding expenses so I've decided I just need to write down what I've been telling everyone.
Here's my advice:
- DO NOT skimp on a photographer - PLEASE. You photos are the only thing you have after the wedding to remember the day. You will use them all over your house, your Facebook page, Christmas cards, and to show your children someday. I have seen so many brides skimp on a photographer to save some money and it is the biggest regret they have. A good photographer in central Kentucky will cost about $3500-$6000 depending on the package you choose.
- DO Skimp on SOME flowers. Most churches do not need much decoration. Do not spend hundreds of dollars on altar arrangements or pew flowers that will only be seen for 30 minutes. Use flowers like carnations where you get the most bang for your buck. Ask your florist what flowers are in season because they will be cheaper to use. Don't waste money on corsages and boutonnieres for every family member, distant relative, and special friend. The only people to even consider giving personal flowers to should be parents and groomsmen. In my experience, grandparents usually arrive too late to pin on their flowers and don't enjoy wearing them anyway.
- DO Use an affordable DJ instead of a band. A good band can run you more than $5000 while a good DJ should be less than $1000. I also like using a DJ because you can hear and select the songs you want played by the artist you want to hear them sung by, and you know what the songs will sound like.

Don't be late to your own reception!

My mother is a big newspaper-clipper-outer. She clipped these Dear Abby articles out for me to share with you. Photo schedules are ALWAYS a big deal for me and I often spend a lot of time working with the bride, groom, families, and photographer on the photography schedule because I'm an advocate for getting to your reception on time! One of the first weddings I ever did when I was an event coordinator at The Thoroughbred Center years ago was the worst case I have ever seen to this date. Guests began to arrive at the reception at about 5:00 just after the 4:30 ceremony and began to munch on appetizers and drinks at the bar. At about 6:30, there was still no sign of the bride and groom, so people actually started to leave. What can I do? Nothing.

No matter how much time you've spent decorating the reception and selecting food and music (and no matter how good your wedding coordinator is), nothing can drive your guests away than you not showing up. Your guests come to your wedding to see you, not wait 2 hours for you to take pictures. I always recommend taking as many pictures as you can prior to the ceremony, whether you choose to see your groom or not, and my brides will tell you I'm a bit of a drill sergeant at the picture session after the ceremony. If everyone cooperates, these pictures can be done and fabulous in under 30 minutes, then you're off to your reception to let the party begin!